


Tales from the Road

by corellianrogue



Category: Saiyuki, Saiyuki Gaiden
Genre: Attempted Blackmail, Attempted Murder, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Gen, are we sure the Sanzo-ikkou are the good guys?, but that's just Sanzo being Sanzo, fun with formatting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 12:46:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11623839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corellianrogue/pseuds/corellianrogue
Summary: Ficlets from the gang's time on the road and before the trip... well before it. Now with even more name-calling and casual violence!





	1. The Long Road

**Author's Note:**

> Two roads that didn’t diverge so much at all. Sometimes even a lesson well learned bears repeating.
> 
> I promise this is the only chapter that looks like this. I don't even recall why I wanted to play with this style, but both this and the last ficlet were attempts at unusual formats. I hope you think they worked as well as I do.
> 
> Written for the 2012 hc_bingo challenge on LJ.
> 
> Cleaning up and posting the rest of my old fic that never made it here to AO3. Don't mind the dust.

The cherry blossoms, as always, were falling.  
  
Tenpou tapped a cigarette out of his pack, offering one to their ‘captive’ absentmindedly, even if he’d never seen the dragon smoke once in their long acquaintance. And it was a very long acquaintance now, wasn’t it?  
  
“You must be surprised?”  
  
“I’ve given up being surprised by anything you do.”  
  
“Mm, yes, probably a good strategy.”  
  
  


_Sanzo going on a pilgrimage of some sort wasn’t new in and of itself. Being told they were expected to go with him, however, was a bit of a shock. For none of them quite so much as Sanzo, unfortunately. For some reason, he just didn’t seem to want them along._

_Gojyo, of course, took great offense to that._

_“What? We’re not good enough to play nursemaids to some shitty monk?”_

_“No.”_

_“Fuck you, too, Sanzo-sama.”_

  
  
He stood at the window long after the soldiers gathered around the barracks had grown tired taunting him. For now, he just watched them. Kenren had disappeared back into his rooms to settle something or another, leaving him alone to smoke one last cigarette before going inside to join him in planning their miraculous escape. Gojun may not be surprised by anything he did, anymore, but he would be if they pulled this off.  
  
This place had been the closest thing to a home Heaven had ever provided him. A world’s worth of knowledge here, and it would all go to waste without him there to appreciate it.  
  
He stubbed his cigarette out on the windowsill and turned away from the view.  
  
None of them would know what to do with real knowledge, anyway.  
  
  


_“Well, that’s the last of it.”_

_“Are you sure that’s everything? Those bags look pretty small.”_

_“Everything essential. Hakuryu only has so much trunk space.”_

_“...It’s really creepy hearing you talk about your pet like that.”_

_“Ahaha, yes, I suppose it would be.”_

  
  
Gojun was quiet, probably dozing, or at least politely pretending he wasn’t listening to their plans. Not that it mattered much whether he was or not, seeing as he was coming with them.  
  
“But if we wait too long, the distraction will be useless.”  
  
“If we go too soon, we might not be able to time the distraction right, either.”  
  
They both stared at the map.  
  
“Not that it really matters when we go.”  
  
“But think of the adventure, General.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re right. It was getting pretty boring up here, anyway.”  
  
  


_He shut the door and locked it firmly behind them, even if he knew as well as Gojyo did that they wouldn’t be coming back to it. And knowing Gojyo’s few, unfortunate acquaintances, there wouldn’t be much to come back to even with the door locked. Managing to survive long enough to return suddenly seemed the easy part._

_Stranger things had happened, though. Sometimes, the best thing to do was the thing no one expected. Not even oneself._

  
  
“Well.” He caressed his bookshelves one last time as he led the small group through his library to the back exit. Their surprise had already been prepared. All that was left was to slip away before anyone noticed they were gone. “It’s been a good run.”  
  
He ushered them through the doorway that would take them to the tunnel while behind them the world exploded.  
  
  


_With Hakuryu already in his jeep form, Hakkai waited for the others to join him. He let his mind wander in the silence of the forest, through memories of other journeys that had started, and ended, here. A petal drifted to land on the passenger seat, and he looked up, surprised._

_It seemed the cherry blossoms were already falling._


	2. Just Another Supervillain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To blackmail someone, you must first be sure they have something they could lose. For the Sanzo Ikkou, that something is certainly not public opinion.
> 
> Written for the 2012 hc_bingo challenge on LJ.

They stared at the slip of paper that had been pinned to Jeep’s seat, each in varying levels of confusion or disgust.  
  
“What’s it say? Hey, Hakkai! What’s it say?”  
  
“Why don’t you learn to read, monkey?”  
  
“I can read, you stupid cockroach! If you’d get out of my way!”  
  
Hakkai unpinned the note, ignoring the usual scuffling. He scanned it once more. “Well, you must give them points for originality.”  
  
Sanzo scoffed. “Pretty sure the stupidity outweighs it.”  
  
“I suppose you’re right, of course.” He folded the note primly and slipped it into his sleeve. It wouldn’t be kind to throw it away too quickly and let the supposed blackmailer know he’d failed too soon. It might damage his self-confidence.  
  
He’d barely taken a step away from Jeep before Goku remembered what he’d wanted pre-fight. “Oh, yeah, Hakkai. What’d it say?”  
  
He smiled slightly, almost in genuine amusement. “I’m afraid someone is threatening to tell the townspeople exactly who we are.”  
  
Goku blinked at him. Gojyo or Sanzo might have called it ‘stupidly’ but Hakkai knew better. Most of the time. Goku just took the world at a different pace than the rest of them. “...Why?”  
  
Gojyo whacked him over the back of the head. “It’s called blackmail, shit-for-brains. Why do you think?”  
  
“Shut up, you stupid kappa! I bet you don’t know, either!”  
  
And so it began again. Hakkai sighed. Sometimes, just sometimes, he wondered what it would be like to tie them all up and leave them in Jeep’s trunk. Just for the blessed silence.  
  
~  
  
The night passed relatively quietly. Relatively, because while there were no youkai attacks or natural disasters or zombies or any of the other exciting things that tended to follow them about, true silence was impossible with both Goku and Gojyo sleeping in one room. Unfortunately, the inn had been completely sold out except for one small room, leaving the four of them crammed together whether they wanted to be or not.  
  
The fact that Sanzo had yet to actually shoot anyone rather than shooting at them was proof miracles did happen.  
  
The next morning, as Hakkai reloaded Jeep with their belongings, he found another note pinned to the driver’s seat. He frowned, petting Jeep’s steering wheel. “Very unkind of him to attach it like that. I’m sorry.”  
  
The vehicle kyu’d softly in agreement. Hakkai didn’t bother reading the note this time. It was most likely another demand or threat or something equally stupid and useless, and he had better things to do than waste his time.  
  
Within the hour, they were back on the road. Goku had immediately fallen asleep in the backseat despite Gojyo’s numerous attempts to shove him back onto his side or, failing that, out of the vehicle entirely. On the plus side, it did keep them both entertained, and Sanzo only mildly annoyed.  
  
They stopped for lunch in a slightly larger town, not quite big enough to be considered a city. Goku, as always, led them directly to the closest inn. Also, apparently, the closest large crowd. “Hey, what’re all those people doing?”  
  
“Reading, dumbass. You wouldn’t recognize it.”  
  
Again, on the plus side, Sanzo’s shooting did clear out the crowd fairly well.  
  
It allowed them all to get close enough to read what the crowd had been so intrigued by. Four large sheets of paper covered in crude drawings and terrible handwriting were pasted on the wall of the inn.  
  
“...I believe those might be intended to be us?”  
  
“No way. Sanzo’s way girlier than that.”  
  
“Do you wanna die, cockroach?”  
  
“Hey, Sanzo! That’s what the picture of you is saying, too!”  
  
Actually, now that Goku had pointed it out, that was exactly what the poorly-drawn Sanzo in the picture was saying. It even had a tiny stick-gun. Hakkai studied the posters more closely, ignoring the bickering with the ease of long practice. “I do believe this may be the work of our bold blackmailer.”  
  
“What did he think this would actually do?”  
  
“I don’t know, Sanzo, what do any of our opponents think they will accomplish?” They seemed to get worse the farther their journey took them. “Perhaps Zakuro is trying a new tactic?”  
  
Behind him, he heard Sanzo scoff. “Blackmail? Can that idiot even write?”  
  
A very good question. “Our imposters, then? Looking for revenge?” Silence. “No, I suppose they weren’t very smart, either. Oh well, I’m sure we’ll meet whoever it is, eventually.”  
  
Sanzo grunted in what might be acknowledgment, and Hakkai decided it was obviously his turn to herd the other two into the inn without breaking anything. Somehow, it always seemed to be his turn.  
  
“WAIT!”  
  
The four of them froze, sharing confused looks. The square had been very effectively emptied by Sanzo’s demonstration of temper, so the man striking a dramatic pose next to the town fountain must be new. And their morning had been going so peacefully, too.  
  
The man did nothing. When he continued to do nothing for an embarrassingly long stretch of time, they turned their backs on him. Obviously, that was the wrong or right move, depending on one’s perspective. “Hey, you! I’m talking to you!” Judging from the twitch Sanzo’s eye was quickly developing, Hakkai thought it would be ultimately a bad one.  
  
As usual, letting any of the other three speak would end most unfortunately, so for once, Hakkai decided to just skip right to the important parts. “Ah, yes, you would be our blackmailer, then? I’m very sorry, but we’re not interested.”  
  
The man gaped. “But you... and... I could ruin you!”  
  
The all laughed, something he obviously was not prepared for. Someday, Hakkai was sure, their opponents would learn to do their homework ahead of time. He slid an automatic arm around Gojyo’s waist when Gojyo leaned against his shoulder. Purely to keep the other from falling over while laughing so hard, of course. “Yah, Sanzo-sama, you hear that? He’s gonna ruin you. Maybe he’ll tell everyone you like mayo on your ramen.”  
  
“I will kill both of you, if you don’t shut up.”  
  
And the arm served double duty when it allowed Hakkai to keep himself between them before it became any more serious. “Yes, as I said, we’re not interested, but thank you for the offer, we’ll be sure to keep it in mind.”  
  
Sanzo snorted, but at least he seemed appeased enough to enter the inn on his own. Gojyo followed with only a slight nudge while Goku fell in at Hakkai’s side. “Hey, Hakkai, you really think that’ll work? He’s still yelling.”  
  
Hakkai just smiled. “Yes, Goku, but sometimes, you must let children be ignored during a tantrum or else they’ll never learn from it.”  
  
“Ooooh. Right. Wow, Hakkai, you’re really smart!”  
  
“You wouldn’t know smart if it stole your breakfast from you, mutton-for-brains!”  
  
Hakkai chuckled, the screaming from inside drowning out the screaming from outside, accompanied by the liberal application of gunshots. With decorum like theirs, who needed blackmail? Yes, the credit card bill would be extra high here.  
  
All in a day’s work.


	3. Simple Solutions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hakkai has his own special way of making people better, whether they want to be or not.
> 
> Written for the 2012 hc_bingo challenge on LJ.

“OW! FUCK!”  
  
“Now, Gojyo, please control yourself. If you keep yelling like that, I don’t think a broken bone will be the worst of your problems.”  
  
“Got that damn straight. Useless cockroach.”  
  
“Come over here and say that, you pissy mon- AUGH!”  
  
“What did I say?”  
  
“Why don’t you go torture Sanzo-sama for a while?”  
  
“Whining doesn’t solve anything, but since you asked, the answer is that Sanzo is smart enough to stay out of the way of youkai with large sticks. That’s why.”  
  
“Look at that. Using your big head for once might actually help.”  
  
“Fuckin’ monk. Pretty sure you’d need a dick to know.”  
  
“Wow, guys, did you know this inn had a buffet? ...Hey, Sanzo, why’s your eye twitching like that?”  
  
“Goku, why don’t you go back downstairs and get some for all of us? And Sanzo, please don’t shoot anyone in the room. They already have the credit card information.”  
  
“Why’d you almost let him shoot me, then?”  
  
“Well, I did warn you. Now if you’ll hold still...”  
  
“OW! Owowowow!! Hakkai, that arm’s still attached!”  
  
“As I’m well aware, thank you. Hand me the knife, please.”  
  
“What? No! What’s that for?”  
  
“What are knives usually for?”  
  
“WHAT?!”  
  
“...To cut the bandage, Gojyo. Unless you’d like to eat through it with your teeth.”  
  
“Oh. Right.”  
  
“Are you really sure I can’t shoot him? Pretty sure that’d count as a necessary medical procedure.”  
  
“Necessary for what?”  
  
“For my mental health, and the good of the breeding population.”  
  
“Come over here and say that!”  
  
“Ahaha. Perhaps I should reconsider.”  
  
“Hakkai!”  
  
“Well, it would certainly be quieter.”  
  
“Hey, guys! Look at this! The buffet has all-you-can-eat meat buns!”  
  
“I don’t think they meant you, monkey.”  
  
“Shut up, cockroach!”  
  
“Make me, ape-for-brains!”  
  
BANG!  
  
“SHIT! You almost hit me that time!”  
  
“I’ll have to work on my aim.”  
  
“Fuckin’ yeah you do.”  
  
“I missed.”  
  
“HEY!”  
  
“Ha! You tell him- OW! Sanzooooo. What was that for?”  
  
“I’m not wasting bullets when you’re sucking up my air supply.”  
  
“At least the stupid monkey.... Hey, where’d the meat buns go?”  
  
“Ah, I do believe Goku ate the last of them while you and Sanzo were playing.”  
  
“Hakkai...”  
  
“Whoa, Sanzo, your eye’s REALLY twitching now.”  
  
“Your arm’s done, Gojyo. Perhaps you and Goku should go back downstairs and get more food for all of us?”  
  
“It’s done? You sure? It still hurts.”  
  
“What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger.”  
  
“And I’m going to kill him soon if he doesn’t get out of my sight.”  
  
“Ahaha, exactly.”  
  
“But, Hakkai-”  
  
BANG! BANGBANGBANG!  
  
“FUCK! Shitty monk!”  
  
“Well, I did warn you, Gojyo. Although I have heard that bloodletting is supposedly a good-”  
  
“Shit, don’t go giving him ideas. Let’s go, monkey.”  
  
“Why do I have to go with you? I was already down there!”  
  
“And ate all the food.”  
  
“You’re half dead, so I had to eat yours or it’d go to waste!”  
  
“You’ll be half dead if you don’t shut up!”  
  
“No more bullet holes in the walls, Sanzo, please.”  
  
“How about bullet holes in them?”  
  
“Well, I have been wanting to try out the surgery course I took by correspondence. Supposedly hot irons can be used to cauterize wounds after extracting foreign objects-”  
  
“Okay, we’re going!”  
  
“...That worked rather well.”  
  
“You’re a scary bastard, Hakkai.”  
  
“Ahaha. You’re too kind.”


End file.
